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Tell your crappy jokes here!

Started by xMarminq_, March 14, 2017, 01:47:37 am

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mazhat

Here's one I made, forgot and then remembered.

What is a programmers favourite candy?
Spoiler: ShowHide
A Push Pop! :)
Sketti

WholeWheatBagels

When does an Irish potato stop being an Irish potato?
Spoiler: ShowHide

When it becomes a French Fry!
Living in another world to you.



Also in case you were wondering Frankie did go to Hollywood

mazhat

A new one that hopefully hasn't been made.

Why is it so hard to help Java programmers?
Spoiler: ShowHide
They don't want any pointers :^)
Sketti

c4ooo

Quote from: mazhat on March 14, 2017, 11:20:25 pm
A scientist wonders about the universe and says, "Why?".
An engineer creates things and says, "How?".
An artist draws, and says, "Can I take your order please?".

I love art, please don't destroy me artists. :)

How do you get an arts major of your porch? You pay the pizza delivery man.
Did you hear about the chef who died? He didn't have enough thyme.

DJ Omnimaga

Quote from: mazhat on April 14, 2017, 11:34:24 pm
A new one that hopefully hasn't been made.

Why is it so hard to help Java programmers?
Spoiler: ShowHide
They don't want any pointers :^)

I was expecting a coffee joke :P

_iPhoenix_

Did you hear about the torrential rains that caused the river to flood?
Spoiler: ShowHide
without a dam, you'd have a dam problem!


Can we go to the dam giftshop?
Spoiler: ShowHide
Not right now, I GOTTA GO TO THE DAM RESTROOM





I got more... They are along the same thread
*mic drop*


Don't drop mike. What did he do to you?
Please spam here: https://legend-of-iphoenix.github.io/spam/

"walruses are better than tuxedo chickens, all hail the great :walrii:" ~ me
Evolution of my avatar:

Turiq

What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a bottle of glue?
Well, you can tune a piano, but you can't  tuna fish!

...I tried to come up with something clever for the glue, but I got stuck.
*blinks*

c4ooo

Calculating the cumulative sum of a big list is cumbersum.

Unicorn




??? ??? ??? ??? ???

c4ooo

Quote from: Unicorn on April 25, 2017, 06:47:52 am
cumsum?

Yea... cumsum() is an actual command on the TI84 that calculates cumulative sum :P

_iPhoenix_

April 25, 2017, 09:04:08 pm #25 Last Edit: April 25, 2017, 09:13:25 pm by _iPhoenix_
And it's extremely useful, if you know what you are doing. I don't.

Quote from: WeregooseA programmer started to fuss,
as going to sleep was a wuss.
Looping 'round in his head,
While he was going to bed,
was: while (!asleep()); sheep++;


That is the most ingenious limerick I have ever seen, (replace "limerick" with "line of code" and you have my reaction to one of his code snippets...) and I've seen a lot of good limericks...
Please spam here: https://legend-of-iphoenix.github.io/spam/

"walruses are better than tuxedo chickens, all hail the great :walrii:" ~ me
Evolution of my avatar:

Ranman

April 26, 2017, 01:23:03 am #26 Last Edit: April 26, 2017, 01:25:06 am by Ranman
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
.
.
.
.
Spoiler: ShowHide
Hop in. :D
Ranman
Bringing Randy Glover's Jumpman to the TI-89 calculator. Download available at Ticalc.

WholeWheatBagels

April 26, 2017, 01:44:37 am #27 Last Edit: April 26, 2017, 02:00:14 am by WholeWheatBagels
MAAAATH JOOOOKES

So I took a statistics class, right? It was hard af, I ended up failing the first test, got a D on the semester final, and barely scraped a C for the final exam.
But then the teacher extrapolated and gave me a B in the class.

What do you get when you take the derivative of a velociraptor?
Spoiler: ShowHide

an acceleraptor!



EDIT: How do computers count to ten?
[spoiler]
1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 8.1, 10!
Living in another world to you.



Also in case you were wondering Frankie did go to Hollywood

DJ Omnimaga

April 26, 2017, 07:02:33 pm #28 Last Edit: April 27, 2017, 12:25:27 am by p2
Lol turiq nice one. Same for other people's jokes but turiq's kinda made me want to lol IRL [emoji14]

Edit by p2: I hate this "Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk" >.<


_iPhoenix_


If a communist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government sells him some of the milk.

If a Socialist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government gives him some of the milk.

If a Nazi has two cows, the government shoots him, and takes both cows.

If a Capitalist has two cows, he sells one and buys a bull.

If a New dealist has two cows, he kills one, milks the other, and throws away the milk.

If a Liberalist has two cows, he sells them to the rich, then taxes them one cow and gives it to the poor.

If a Conservatist has two cows, he locks them up and charges people to look at them.

If an Atheist has two cows, he doesn't believe it.

If a Taoist has two cows, he lets them wander off.

If a Platonist has two cows, he looks for two others to milk.

If a Aristocrat has two cows, he sells them and buys one big one.

If a Pacifist has two cows, they stampede him.

If a government worker has two cows, he can't sell them, fire them, or even label them as cows.

If a Hillary Clinton has two cows, she robs the ranches and gives everyone two cows. If she doesn't have enough, she gives them bull..


I spent so much time looking for the alternate version of this joke, but this one will do :)
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"walruses are better than tuxedo chickens, all hail the great :walrii:" ~ me
Evolution of my avatar:

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