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[Story] Unlocked

Started by ordelore, March 30, 2016, 03:00:07 am

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ordelore

March 30, 2016, 03:00:07 am Last Edit: June 22, 2017, 09:30:48 pm by ordelore
Link to the html hosted version that is updated occasionally
So, I'm writing a story, and I'm looking for feedback. Anything constructive/grammar/spelling is welcome.
I have no set release date for updating chapters, only that they will be done when I have time, which is very rare and rationed heavily.
Link to the 'Nightly Build' State Here
Calc Wars is still alive (I hope)

DJ Omnimaga

Hm I actually like it. I wasn't too sure at first due to the topic being mainstream at first, but as it progressed, I got hooked and I am curious about what will happen next. I actually like the in-school revolution story.

Juju

Is that about Jesus? Well, it's pretty nice so far.
Read Zarmina!
YUKI-CHAAAANNNN
In the beginning there was walrii. In the end there will be walrii. All hail our supreme leader :walrii: --Snektron



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ordelore

Quote from: Juju on March 30, 2016, 05:03:39 pm
Is that about Jesus? Well, it's pretty nice so far.

Correct, the original plan was to re-tell the story of Jesus in a modern setting.

Quote from: DJ Omnimaga on March 30, 2016, 04:04:28 pm
I actually like the in-school revolution story.

It's actually a theme that pops up multiple times in the mini-stories that I write.
Calc Wars is still alive (I hope)

DJ Omnimaga

For some reasons I didn't realize it was actually about Jesus. O.O I mean, I noticed some similarities, especially near the end, but I thought the intention was to tell the intro to an upcoming social uprising.

Juju

Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John kind of gave it away xD
Read Zarmina!
YUKI-CHAAAANNNN
In the beginning there was walrii. In the end there will be walrii. All hail our supreme leader :walrii: --Snektron



if you wanna throw money at me and/or CodeWalrus monthly it's here

Araidia

Quote from: Juju on March 31, 2016, 05:36:04 pm
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John kind of gave it away xD

Same here. I think it would be better if it  was less conspicuous, so that people would eventually find out by reading instead of just knowing right off the bat.

Also Known as: Soul | Enguard

DJ Omnimaga

Quote from: Juju on March 31, 2016, 05:36:04 pm
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John kind of gave it away xD
Not for me, because the names are not in French. :P

Also I downvoted Juju post by accident when trying to click Quote >.<

Dudeman313

 I like it! Your modern remix sounds intriguing.
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The answer is "Sure."


ordelore

Kinda working on it now, and changed the names so that they are kinda harder to figure out the
Spoiler: ShowHide
Jesus-ness quality of the story
Calc Wars is still alive (I hope)

ordelore

Bump, I have 3 chapters done now, and I ended up writing much deeper themes than I expected
Calc Wars is still alive (I hope)

Dudeman313

Deep themes are good themes. The deeper the themes, the more a reader will want to see more.
Does this qualify as a signature? 
The answer is "Sure."


DJ Omnimaga

I just read the new chapter. Nice work so far. :)

ordelore

Chapter 4 done, but I'm probably going to extend the ending.
Calc Wars is still alive (I hope)

ordelore

Chapter 5 kinda done
I think that I'm just going to get all the stories I want written down, and then elaborate later.
Calc Wars is still alive (I hope)

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