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Author Topic: Unlocked  (Read 2979 times)

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Offline ordelore

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Unlocked
« on: March 30, 2016, 03:00:07 am »
Link to the html hosted version that is updated occasionally
So, I'm writing a story, and I'm looking for feedback. Anything constructive/grammar/spelling is welcome.
I have no set release date for updating chapters, only that they will be done when I have time, which is very rare and rationed heavily.
Link to the 'Nightly Build' State Here
« Last Edit: July 31, 2016, 04:02:24 pm by ordelore »


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Re: Copy of Untitled Story (1)
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2016, 04:04:28 pm »
Hm I actually like it. I wasn't too sure at first due to the topic being mainstream at first, but as it progressed, I got hooked and I am curious about what will happen next. I actually like the in-school revolution story.
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Re: Copy of Untitled Story (1)
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2016, 05:03:39 pm »
Is that about Jesus? Well, it's pretty nice so far.
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Offline ordelore

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Re: Copy of Untitled Story (1)
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2016, 02:04:33 am »
Is that about Jesus? Well, it's pretty nice so far.
Correct, the original plan was to re-tell the story of Jesus in a modern setting.

I actually like the in-school revolution story.
It's actually a theme that pops up multiple times in the mini-stories that I write.
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Re: Copy of Untitled Story (1)
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2016, 02:41:59 am »
For some reasons I didn't realize it was actually about Jesus. O.O I mean, I noticed some similarities, especially near the end, but I thought the intention was to tell the intro to an upcoming social uprising.
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Re: Copy of Untitled Story (1)
« Reply #5 on: March 31, 2016, 05:36:04 pm »
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John kind of gave it away xD
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Offline Araidia

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Re: Copy of Untitled Story (1)
« Reply #6 on: March 31, 2016, 06:02:40 pm »
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John kind of gave it away xD
Same here. I think it would be better if it  was less conspicuous, so that people would eventually find out by reading instead of just knowing right off the bat.
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Re: Copy of Untitled Story (1)
« Reply #7 on: March 31, 2016, 07:37:19 pm »
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John kind of gave it away xD
Not for me, because the names are not in French. :P

Also I downvoted Juju post by accident when trying to click Quote >.<
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Offline Jkolade936

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Re: Copy of Untitled Story (1)
« Reply #8 on: March 31, 2016, 09:32:19 pm »
 I like it! Your modern remix sounds intriguing.
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Offline ordelore

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Re: Copy of Untitled Story (1)
« Reply #9 on: April 01, 2016, 02:03:23 am »
Kinda working on it now, and changed the names so that they are kinda harder to figure out the
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Re: Copy of Untitled Story (1)
« Reply #10 on: April 07, 2016, 02:19:40 am »
Bump, I have 3 chapters done now, and I ended up writing much deeper themes than I expected
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Re: Copy of Untitled Story (1)
« Reply #11 on: April 07, 2016, 02:37:39 am »
Deep themes are good themes. The deeper the themes, the more a reader will want to see more.
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Re: Copy of Untitled Story (1)
« Reply #12 on: April 07, 2016, 03:10:57 am »
I just read the new chapter. Nice work so far. :)
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Offline ordelore

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Re: Copy of Untitled Story (1)
« Reply #13 on: April 12, 2016, 09:41:15 pm »
Chapter 4 done, but I'm probably going to extend the ending.
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Re: Copy of Untitled Story (1)
« Reply #14 on: April 19, 2016, 02:15:09 am »
Chapter 5 kinda done
I think that I'm just going to get all the stories I want written down, and then elaborate later.
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