I'm bored. Just post stupid, insensitive, and bad jokes. Nothing over the top.
Here's mine:
What's the difference between a Ferrari and dead Walruses?
[spoiler]I don't have a Ferrari in my garage[/spoiler]
Keep in mind it's a joke and not supposed to be taken seriously
Quote from: xMarminq_ on March 14, 2017, 01:47:37 AM
I'm bored. Just post stupid, insensitive, and bad jokes. Nothing over the top.
Here's mine:
What's the difference between a Ferrari and dead Walruses?
[spoiler]I don't have a Ferrari in my garage[/spoiler]
Keep in mind it's a joke and not supposed to be taken seriously
that is tight
I got it from Twitch donation trolls :D
I have a good one:
This guy being sane:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRm6lCl499w
EDIT by DJ: Fixed Youtube link
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who killed a man and escaped??
[spoiler]He is now a small medium at large.[/spoiler]
That's actually really clever. I got one:
Did you hear about the scarecrow that got promoted to the supermarket?
[spoiler]He was outstanding in his field[/spoiler]
A scientist wonders about the universe and says, "Why?".
An engineer creates things and says, "How?".
An artist draws, and says, "Can I take your order please?".
I love art, please don't destroy me artists. :)
A fish hits his head while swimming upriver
"Dam"
<new joke>
Did you hear about the lady who fell down the well?
She didn't see that well
</new joke>
<brand new joke>
My forum activity
</brand new joke>
Let me tell you the story of some guy who wants to go in the police
The police went away
The guy went into the wall
Let me tell you the story of some guy who wants to go in the police
The police went away
The guy still got arrested
Let me tell you the story of some guy who wants to go in a wall
The wall went away
The guy went into the police
Let me tell you the story of some guy who wants to go in the police
The wall went away
The guy went into a walrus
Let me tell you the story of some guy who wants to go in X
X went away
The guy went into Y
Also, not mine, saw it on Facebook, but which one is your favourite Korea?
- North Korea
- South Korea
- Carey Price
Life is like Rogue One
[spoiler]everyone dies at the end.[/spoiler]
Note, obviously don't click if you didn't watch it yet :P
And again I read the content of the spoiler BEFORE reading the NOTE line... 9_9
Quote from: p2 on March 16, 2017, 09:28:40 AM
And again I read the content of the spoiler BEFORE reading the NOTE line... 9_9
Note, p2 and people who watched Rogue One can click the spoiler but it's not recommended for others.
(I wrote the note before the spoiler this time :P)
[spoiler]
Not sure if it's that much of a spoiler actually. It's a movie that happens between movies we already know, and none of the new people introduced in there are to be seen in next episodes. Because they died of course. Or because they're useless, but who makes a Star Wars movie about useless people?
[/spoiler]
Note: Just read the spoiler, it's not spoilering
[spoiler]I haven't watched starwars in 4 or 5 years, so I probably haven't seen the movies this one is supposed to play in in between as well :ninja:[/spoiler]
Quote from: p2 on March 16, 2017, 10:58:43 AM
Note: Just read the spoiler, it's not spoilering
[spoiler]I haven't watched starwars in 4 or 5 years, so I probably haven't seen the movies this one is supposed to play in in between as well :ninja:[/spoiler]
[spoiler]
the movies between which it takes place is the one released in 1977 and the one released in 2005. So you have likely seen them both.
[/spoiler]
uh yeah ur probably right Soru xD Buuut I guess I don't remember them anymore... 9_9
Have to watch the whole thing again one day ^^
Here's one I made, forgot and then remembered.
What is a programmers favourite candy?
[spoiler]A Push Pop! :)[/spoiler]
When does an Irish potato stop being an Irish potato?
[spoiler]
When it becomes a French Fry!
[/spoiler]
A new one that hopefully hasn't been made.
Why is it so hard to help Java programmers?
[spoiler]They don't want any pointers :^)[/spoiler]
Quote from: mazhat on March 14, 2017, 11:20:25 PM
A scientist wonders about the universe and says, "Why?".
An engineer creates things and says, "How?".
An artist draws, and says, "Can I take your order please?".
I love art, please don't destroy me artists. :)
How do you get an arts major of your porch? You pay the pizza delivery man.
Did you hear about the chef who died? He didn't have enough thyme.
Quote from: mazhat on April 14, 2017, 11:34:24 PM
A new one that hopefully hasn't been made.
Why is it so hard to help Java programmers?
[spoiler]They don't want any pointers :^)[/spoiler]
I was expecting a coffee joke :P
Did you hear about the torrential rains that caused the river to flood?
[spoiler]without a dam, you'd have a dam problem![/spoiler]
Can we go to the dam giftshop?
[spoiler]Not right now, I GOTTA GO TO THE DAM RESTROOM[/spoiler]
I got more... They are along the same thread
*mic drop*
Don't drop mike. What did he do to you?
What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a bottle of glue?
Well, you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
...I tried to come up with something clever for the glue, but I got stuck.
Calculating the cumulative sum of a big list is cumbersum.
cumsum?
Quote from: Unicorn on April 25, 2017, 06:47:52 AM
cumsum?
Yea... cumsum() is an actual command on the TI84 that calculates cumulative sum :P
And it's extremely useful, if you know what you are doing. I don't.
Quote from: WeregooseA programmer started to fuss,
as going to sleep was a wuss.
Looping 'round in his head,
While he was going to bed,
was: while (!asleep()); sheep++;
That is the most ingenious limerick I have ever seen, (replace "limerick" with "line of code" and you have my reaction to one of his code snippets...) and I've seen a lot of good limericks...
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
.
.
.
.
[spoiler]Hop in. :D[/spoiler]
MAAAATH JOOOOKES
So I took a statistics class, right? It was hard af, I ended up failing the first test, got a D on the semester final, and barely scraped a C for the final exam.
But then the teacher extrapolated and gave me a B in the class.
What do you get when you take the derivative of a velociraptor?
[spoiler]
an acceleraptor!
[/spoiler]
EDIT: How do computers count to ten?
[spoiler]
1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 8.1, 10!
Lol turiq nice one. Same for other people's jokes but turiq's kinda made me want to lol IRL [emoji14]
Edit by p2: I hate this "Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk" >.<
If a communist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government sells him some of the milk.
If a Socialist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government gives him some of the milk.
If a Nazi has two cows, the government shoots him, and takes both cows.
If a Capitalist has two cows, he sells one and buys a bull.
If a New dealist has two cows, he kills one, milks the other, and throws away the milk.
If a Liberalist has two cows, he sells them to the rich, then taxes them one cow and gives it to the poor.
If a Conservatist has two cows, he locks them up and charges people to look at them.
If an Atheist has two cows, he doesn't believe it.
If a Taoist has two cows, he lets them wander off.
If a Platonist has two cows, he looks for two others to milk.
If a Aristocrat has two cows, he sells them and buys one big one.
If a Pacifist has two cows, they stampede him.
If a government worker has two cows, he can't sell them, fire them, or even label them as cows.
If a Hillary Clinton has two cows, she robs the ranches and gives everyone two cows. If she doesn't have enough, she gives them bull..
I spent so much time looking for the alternate version of this joke, but this one will do :)
Quote from: _iPhoenix_ on June 11, 2017, 10:20:04 PM
If a communist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government sells him some of the milk.
If a Socialist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government gives him some of the milk.
If a Nazi has two cows, the government shoots him, and takes both cows.
If a Capitalist has two cows, he sells one and buys a bull.
If a New dealist has two cows, he kills one, milks the other, and throws away the milk.
If a Liberalist has two cows, he sells them to the rich, then taxes them one cow and gives it to the poor.
If a Conservatist has two cows, he locks them up and charges people to look at them.
If an Atheist has two cows, he doesn't believe it.
If a Taoist has two cows, he lets them wander off.
If a Platonist has two cows, he looks for two others to milk.
If a Aristocrat has two cows, he sells them and buys one big one.
If a Pacifist has two cows, they stampede him.
If a government worker has two cows, he can't sell them, fire them, or even label them as cows.
If a Hillary Clinton has two cows, she robs the ranches and gives everyone two cows. If she doesn't have enough, she gives them bull..
I spent so much time looking for the alternate version of this joke, but this one will do :)
I've seen an alternative version that was much better <_<
If a CW member has two cows, he shares them both to the community and they're turned into walruses.