CodeWalrus

General => Other => Topic started by: xMarminq_ on March 14, 2017, 01:47:37 am

Title: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: xMarminq_ on March 14, 2017, 01:47:37 am
I'm bored. Just post stupid, insensitive, and bad jokes. Nothing over the top.

Here's mine:
What's the difference between a Ferrari and dead Walruses?
(click to show/hide)

Keep in mind it's a joke and not supposed to be taken seriously
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: kotu on March 14, 2017, 01:48:13 am
I'm bored. Just post stupid, insensitive, and bad jokes. Nothing over the top.

Here's mine:
What's the difference between a Ferrari and dead Walruses?
(click to show/hide)

Keep in mind it's a joke and not supposed to be taken seriously

that is tight
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: xMarminq_ on March 14, 2017, 01:51:41 am
I got it from Twitch donation trolls  :D
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: _iPhoenix_ on March 14, 2017, 01:52:19 am
I have a good one:

This guy being sane:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRm6lCl499w

EDIT by DJ: Fixed Youtube link
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: kotu on March 14, 2017, 10:44:55 am
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who killed a man and escaped??

(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: _iPhoenix_ on March 14, 2017, 04:58:50 pm
That's actually really clever. I got one:

Did you hear about the scarecrow that got promoted to the supermarket?
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: mazhat on March 14, 2017, 11:20:25 pm
A scientist wonders about the universe and says, "Why?".
An engineer creates things and says, "How?".
An artist draws, and says, "Can I take your order please?".

I love art, please don't destroy me artists. :)
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: ordelore on March 14, 2017, 11:27:37 pm
A fish hits his head while swimming upriver
"Dam"

<new joke>
Did you hear about the lady who fell down the well?
She didn't see that well
</new joke>

<brand new joke>
My forum activity
</brand new joke>
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: Juju on March 15, 2017, 02:58:59 am
Let me tell you the story of some guy who wants to go in the police
The police went away
The guy went into the wall

Let me tell you the story of some guy who wants to go in the police
The police went away
The guy still got arrested

Let me tell you the story of some guy who wants to go in a wall
The wall went away
The guy went into the police

Let me tell you the story of some guy who wants to go in the police
The wall went away
The guy went into a walrus

Let me tell you the story of some guy who wants to go in X
X went away
The guy went into Y

Also, not mine, saw it on Facebook, but which one is your favourite Korea?
- North Korea
- South Korea
- Carey Price
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: Hayleia on March 16, 2017, 09:19:33 am
Life is like Rogue One
(click to show/hide)
Note, obviously don't click if you didn't watch it yet :P
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: p2 on March 16, 2017, 09:28:40 am
And again I read the content of the spoiler BEFORE reading the NOTE line...  9_9
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: Hayleia on March 16, 2017, 10:50:47 am
And again I read the content of the spoiler BEFORE reading the NOTE line...  9_9
Note, p2 and people who watched Rogue One can click the spoiler but it's not recommended for others.
(I wrote the note before the spoiler this time :P)
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: p2 on March 16, 2017, 10:58:43 am
Note: Just read the spoiler, it's not spoilering
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: Sorunome on March 16, 2017, 09:17:24 pm
Note: Just read the spoiler, it's not spoilering
(click to show/hide)
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: p2 on March 19, 2017, 09:04:39 pm
uh yeah ur probably right Soru xD Buuut I guess I don't remember them anymore...  9_9
Have to watch the whole thing again one day ^^
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: mazhat on March 19, 2017, 09:08:04 pm
Here's one I made, forgot and then remembered.

What is a programmers favourite candy?
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: WholeWheatBagels on March 20, 2017, 02:58:11 pm
When does an Irish potato stop being an Irish potato?
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: mazhat on April 14, 2017, 11:34:24 pm
A new one that hopefully hasn't been made.

Why is it so hard to help Java programmers?
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: c4ooo on April 14, 2017, 11:39:11 pm
A scientist wonders about the universe and says, "Why?".
An engineer creates things and says, "How?".
An artist draws, and says, "Can I take your order please?".

I love art, please don't destroy me artists. :)
How do you get an arts major of your porch? You pay the pizza delivery man.
Did you hear about the chef who died? He didn't have enough thyme.
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: xlibman on April 15, 2017, 08:15:37 pm
A new one that hopefully hasn't been made.

Why is it so hard to help Java programmers?
(click to show/hide)
I was expecting a coffee joke :P
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: _iPhoenix_ on April 15, 2017, 09:50:26 pm
Did you hear about the torrential rains that caused the river to flood?
(click to show/hide)

Can we go to the dam giftshop?
(click to show/hide)




I got more... They are along the same thread
*mic drop*


Don't drop mike. What did he do to you?
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: Turiq on April 16, 2017, 03:55:25 am
What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a bottle of glue?
Well, you can tune a piano, but you can't  tuna fish!

...I tried to come up with something clever for the glue, but I got stuck.
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: c4ooo on April 24, 2017, 09:03:42 pm
Calculating the cumulative sum of a big list is cumbersum.
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: Unicorn on April 25, 2017, 06:47:52 am
cumsum?
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: c4ooo on April 25, 2017, 08:07:05 pm
cumsum?
Yea... cumsum() is an actual command on the TI84 that calculates cumulative sum :P
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: _iPhoenix_ on April 25, 2017, 09:04:08 pm
And it's extremely useful, if you know what you are doing. I don't.

Quote from: Weregoose
A programmer started to fuss,
as going to sleep was a wuss.
Looping 'round in his head,
While he was going to bed,
was: while (!asleep()); sheep++;

That is the most ingenious limerick I have ever seen, (replace "limerick" with "line of code" and you have my reaction to one of his code snippets...) and I've seen a lot of good limericks...
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: Ranman on April 26, 2017, 01:23:03 am
What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?
.
.
.
.
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: WholeWheatBagels on April 26, 2017, 01:44:37 am
MAAAATH JOOOOKES

So I took a statistics class, right? It was hard af, I ended up failing the first test, got a D on the semester final, and barely scraped a C for the final exam.
But then the teacher extrapolated and gave me a B in the class.

What do you get when you take the derivative of a velociraptor?
(click to show/hide)


EDIT: How do computers count to ten?
(click to show/hide)
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: xlibman on April 26, 2017, 07:02:33 pm
Lol turiq nice one. Same for other people's jokes but turiq's kinda made me want to lol IRL

Edit by p2: I hate this "Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk" >.<

Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: _iPhoenix_ on June 11, 2017, 10:20:04 pm

If a communist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government sells him some of the milk.

If a Socialist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government gives him some of the milk.

If a Nazi has two cows, the government shoots him, and takes both cows.

If a Capitalist has two cows, he sells one and buys a bull.

If a New dealist has two cows, he kills one, milks the other, and throws away the milk.

If a Liberalist has two cows, he sells them to the rich, then taxes them one cow and gives it to the poor.

If a Conservatist has two cows, he locks them up and charges people to look at them.

If an Atheist has two cows, he doesn't believe it.

If a Taoist has two cows, he lets them wander off.

If a Platonist has two cows, he looks for two others to milk.

If a Aristocrat has two cows, he sells them and buys one big one.

If a Pacifist has two cows, they stampede him.

If a government worker has two cows, he can't sell them, fire them, or even label them as cows.

If a Hillary Clinton has two cows, she robs the ranches and gives everyone two cows. If she doesn't have enough, she gives them bull..


I spent so much time looking for the alternate version of this joke, but this one will do :)
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: c4ooo on June 11, 2017, 10:47:47 pm

If a communist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government sells him some of the milk.

If a Socialist has two cows, he gives both to the government, and the government gives him some of the milk.

If a Nazi has two cows, the government shoots him, and takes both cows.

If a Capitalist has two cows, he sells one and buys a bull.

If a New dealist has two cows, he kills one, milks the other, and throws away the milk.

If a Liberalist has two cows, he sells them to the rich, then taxes them one cow and gives it to the poor.

If a Conservatist has two cows, he locks them up and charges people to look at them.

If an Atheist has two cows, he doesn't believe it.

If a Taoist has two cows, he lets them wander off.

If a Platonist has two cows, he looks for two others to milk.

If a Aristocrat has two cows, he sells them and buys one big one.

If a Pacifist has two cows, they stampede him.

If a government worker has two cows, he can't sell them, fire them, or even label them as cows.

If a Hillary Clinton has two cows, she robs the ranches and gives everyone two cows. If she doesn't have enough, she gives them bull..


I spent so much time looking for the alternate version of this joke, but this one will do :)
I've seen an alternative version that was much better <_<
Title: Re: Tell your crappy jokes here!
Post by: Juju on June 11, 2017, 11:22:50 pm
If a CW member has two cows, he shares them both to the community and they're turned into walruses.